And the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days and days

Ugh, well the power of positive thinking didn't help me yesterday. It was still a billion degrees and though I wanted to go to the gyms, I just couldn't stomach the hot, sticky ride there. Finally today I IMed Ro and got her to walk with me! So I have moved, thankfully. It felt really good to get out there. Am I actually craving exercise?

Two days in one post again:

Yesterday
Food:
I gave in and drank James' coffee for breakfast. I really dislike his coffee, it has no taste, but I wasn't going to survive if I had to live another day without coffee. (We're not melodramatic around here or anything.)

The orange was ok but I've had better. I think I like oranges refrigerated and this one was just out on the counter. Around lunchtime I made a chik patty from Morningstar Farms and some potato wedges. Pretty processed but I was hungry! I was actually starting to get some hunger pangs.

Mmmm! BBQ sauce. This was super good. I also munched on a few of James' tomatoes from his garden. Does this balance out the processed frozen stuff? ;)

Ice cream! Mid-afternoon. 90+ degrees in my house. The ice cream was needed.

Dinner was spinach with garlic and a sautéed, marinated portabella mushroom. I also had a alcoholic beverage for the first time since I started this adventure. I figured I hadn't really indulged lately and James was drinking a beer. I kind of made an alcoholic Arnold Palmer with gin and it was pretty good! I didn't realize this until afterwards but I had a totally vegetarian day yesterday. I think it must be good if I don't even notice.

Exercise:
 This was lacking. It would have been nice but as I said... waaaaaay too hot.

Today
Food:
Brekkie was cottage cheese with more of James' coffee- gross!!
Around lunchtime I made a new Bagelthin everything bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese:

The Bagelthins are an example of a processed product that I'll make allowances for. They're low in calories and high in fiber and they satisfy me so they are a good trade off. I also brought this slightly upscale cream cheese over the Philadelphia stuff because it just looked more appetizing and I think I could get away with using less of it.
I met up with Slim around 4 and she was a Starving Marvin because I was like an hour and a half late to pick her up so we headed out to Whole Foods.

I love trying their deli stuff. I ate all the green veg, which was half spring steamed veggie mix and half broccoli with garlic, and about half of the pasta salad which was smoked mozzarella salad. A little heavy on the mayo for my taste but the mozzarella chunks in there were delicious.

I also drank this Honest tea with Goji berry and a cookie from their deli. The Honest Tea was great but I think I should have passed on the cookie. A) I was full and B) it wasn't that good- a little dry and crumbly. It was made with whole wheat flour though so I'll take that as a plus and remember that I wasn't that satisfied next time I encounter the same situation.
My eyes were bigger than my stomach so I brought home a few things from the Whole Foods.

Including this cucumber salad mixed with some "Gigantica Beans" which appear to be butter beans marinated in some italian style dressing. I had this after my walk with Ro. I love love love butter beans so those were really tasty but I'm not so sure about the cucumber. It's a nice crunch though- maybe I should experiment with it at home.
Another almost vegetarian day, surprisingly.

Exercise:
I went on a great walk with Ro. 2.8 miles in about 45 minutes. We were just walking along and talking so this was actually a pretty good pace.

When that whole mad season comes around

It is sooooooo hot in Sac today. OMG! Why am I not hanging out in my apartment in SF today where the high was 63 degrees? In contrast, the high here today was 103 degrees. 103. Kill me now.

I totally had an interesting thing happen re: food today. Around 5 pm I was trying to cool myself off with an icy cold bath and thinking on what to make for dinner. All of a sudden I had a terrible craving for Kettle Chips Baked BBQ chips and chocolate chip ice cream. I tried to convince myself that something else would do, maybe something green but myself was having none of it! "ME WANT ICE CREAM. ME WANT BBQ CHIPPIES!!!" myself cried. Well, I thought about it and kind of determined that the baked BBQ chips and a bowl of ice cream wouldn't hurt me, especially since it's like 1000 degrees and I was unlikely to cook anything else for dinner. High in sodium sure and definitely not the best for me but I wasn't going to freak out and get guilty, I'd deal with it.
Well, I got to Safeway and as I was browsing around I picked up some oranges and spinach and grapes. By the time I got to the chips and realized they didn't have my Baked BBQ chips I wasn't really that perturbed. The craving had been very specific, I didn't want just any baked BBQ chips so it was easy to just shrug and go "oh well." I did get some ice cream but I only had a small bowl (less that 1 cup) so all in all- not bad. I was kind of proud of myself for craving the greens and fruit once I was actually in the store.

Food:
For breakfast- NO COFFEE! It was terrible and I'll never be able to live without coffee again. Unfortunately, my beans are in SF and I am here and I HATE preground coffee, especially the giant canister stuff James loves. Also, we had no creamer so the coffee was just not meant to be. Instead I had:

Fiber One cottage cheese with the Valdosta Pecans (and dried cranberries which are in the mix). I love Fiber One products, especially their cottage cheese.
Around 1 pm, I was hungry so I made:

A delicious chicken wonton soup with tons of frozen veggies. It was basically chicken stock with green beans, peas, zucchini and a few garlic chicken wontons. It was really good but kind of hot for the weather. I wonder if this would taste good as a chilled soup? I would definitely make it again in SF though.

As per above, I ate this delicious, delicious ice cream and I don't feel one ounce of remorse for it.
Finally for dinner, I made some stir fry beef and green beans.

I'm kind of feeling on a green bean kick for some reason lately, even though usually I hate green beans and really will only eat them if there's no broccoli, brussels sprouts or zucchini I can eat instead.

Exercise:
None, it's hard to find motivation when it's 103 outside and by the time it cools down enough to go out, it's dark outside. I'm going to hit the gym tomorrow but that will only last until July 4th when my membership runs out. It was easy (and cool) in SF but not here! I have to find a better way of coping with this.

We don't talk about it- the little things that we do without

Ah ha! Are you curious about what I ate and how I exercised in the new apartment in SF?
Did you miss me while I was gone?
Who are you?
Who am I?
Please let me know... :)

Food:
This is by no means a comprehensive list from last week but I thought I'd include some of the best stuff:

I ate this burrito with Chuck before I left. Dos Coyotes makes the BEST lite burrito ever. It's essentially just pico de gallo, and grilled chicken in a tortilla. I asked them for some of their fresh roasted corn salsa and they put some on my lettuce and some inside the burrito.

The only thing that could improve this burrito would be a whole wheat tortilla but I don't think the Dos is ready to go that far yet.

I will probably miss Tupelo most of all. It, without a doubt, make the best mocha and the best coffee of any coffee place in Sacramento. I used to think Peets was IT but Tupelo is even better than them. Plus, they had free wi-fi right when I needed it.

Grilling with Chuck again! Fish tacos this time (tilapia) with cabbage and chipotle cream sauce and grilled zucchini and asparagus. I love the BBQ!

This was lunch at Provident Funding, Chuck's work (and my old place of employment for like 3 months). I really like this new kind of lunch- just meat and cheese with veggies- no bread in sight! It's satisfying, it tastes great, and I don't feel bogged down after I've eaten it.

One of my final meals before I left Davis for the new apartment- fresh corn, pasilla chile and feta cheese pizza. I forgot the cilantro this time but remembered the lime and it was ok but the one before with cilantro was better. Nugget's pizza crust is super good.

My first meal in the new place! After forgetting to eat like all day and locking myself out of the apartment as soon as I got in I was famished (and so was James). I did another plate similar to the one I ate with Chuck above. Proscuitto, manchego and Old Amsterdam cheese, fresh grapes, Andronico's beet salad and Andronico's roasted mushroom salad with parmesan. Both of the Andronico's salads were just fine and convinced me I'd be able to survive without a Nugget nearby.

Breakfast both mornings included a lowfat latte made with the espresso machine that wasn't earning it's keep in the Baywood house and toast with Andronico's fresh, all natural peanut butter that's made in store. The toast could have been better- the husband picked white buttermilk bread over a heart healthy bread but the peanut butter was excellent. Not too sweet with no added sugars.

I went to Peasant Pies, as suggested by Slim, the last day I was there, sort of mid-exercise. I got this Basque Beef pie with whole wheat crust and it was pretty good. I won't say it was the most delicious thing I'd ever eaten and it could have used some vegetables but it shored me up to continue on my walk and gave me a destination to walk to.
So that's it for the freshness. I did have a piece of cake with white frosting at the wedding shower (it was a small slice of cake but it had a lot of frosting) and though I thought I might not like it because it would be super sweet, it didn't taste that super sweet so I don't think my tastebuds have completely adapted to a life without sugar yet. I did have a moment of angst at the wedding shower but I'll save that for a different post.

Exercise:
I was actually really successful last week. I walked up the giant hill both days I was in SF. The day I actually arrived I didn't but that's because I was like dead from moving all of our stuff. Before we left for SF, I did the 1st week of C25K Day 1 at the gym and it went really smoothly. I think my lungs could have gone for longer but my legs were protesting and I wanted to be kind to my knees. This was way before I actually thought I would be starting the C25K but it turned out well.
I also walked 3.1 miles the last day in SF (including climbing up the hill). It took me much longer than I'm used to: 1 hour and 20 minutes but that did include the hill where I have to stop every 20 feet to be able to breathe. I also stopped mid walk to buy the Peasant Pie. Even without my big ass hill, the hills in SF are tough. Just walking back to UCSF from 12th and Irving was really tiring. It's going to be awesome living there and getting exercise just by doing my daily routine.

Nothin' on you, baby

Blogging appears to be making me feel better so I'm going to try to get back to regularly scheduled programming. I started to write this post earlier but was then interrupted by the call from my cousin:

Sorry for the radio silence! James and I were moving to the new place and the last few days was hectic in addition to having no internets. NO INTERNETS! It was terrible. We actually had to talk to each other. :) I'm planning a long food wrap up post tomorrow but today I hiked up the big mountain again at UCSF. I was probably more tired this time that last time with Slim and it felt harder but I felt such a sense of accomplishment when I knew the end was in sight. I hadn't been eating regularly enough for the past few days so I think it felt harder just because my fuel tank is on empty. I was not very hungry yesterday while we were moving everything but today I've been famished so I'm not surprised that I didn't have as much energy as I wanted to. I'm wondering when that hill/mountain will become commonplace and when I won't feel like dying just climbing up it. The only reason I made it up this time was because I knew there was a killer salad at the top I wanted to eat. :)

The foggy trees right outside our front door.

While I shivered waiting for the shuttle. I noticed out street is very, very steep and very, very cold. I rode the shuttle down the hill and then walked back up. I think the stairs was the part that nearly killed me.

The other side of the hill was still overcast but not as foggy as our side.

There's a tree at the top of the hill, right when you get to my apartment complex that is growing Rainier cherries. (None were ripe yet or I would have had a little nibble.)

This pavement is nearly vertical. I wish I could actually show you how steep it really is.

Our side of the hill is MUCH foggier.

This was the salad waiting for me at the end! Baby spinach, cranberries, almond and blue cheese vinaigrette. It hit the spot and I have never been so happy to eat some greens.

Tonight, James and I went out to dinner and of course I forgot my camera. We went to a little Thai food place  in the sunset and shared chicken satay and yellow chicken curry. I also ordered some steamed vegetables. It was a really good choice and I'm really proud that I was able to make smart choices even though I have been pretty much ravenous all day and I was on the brink of emotional eating. I just wish I'd had a camera because all the green veggies were so pretty with the yellow curry sauce.

All I can do is keep breathing...

Today I had some bad news about one of my favorite aunts. She is one of the few people who I am related to who I can honestly say is MINE - someone I would pick even if you could pick your family. She was always strong- the glue that held her family together and now she's fragile and broken and her family, who I care deeply about is hurting and there's nothing I can do.

I feel restless. I feel that urge I sometimes get to have a drink, shop beyond my means, eat and eat. I can't make this go away and I can't make my aunt better and burying my feelings in drinking, or shopping euphoria or food won't help. I have to ride out this restlessness like a junkie rides out the withdrawl symptoms. It's ok to feel sad about this and a little displaced because someone who I've always considered strong is not so strong anymore. It's ok to worry about mental health and well-being and to question what sane really is.

Why do I have this burning desire to be anywhere but here? I love my new apartment. It's ok to sit here in the blustery wind and to face this. To blog about it. To start accepting it.

I do not need something to eat.
I do not need a drink.
I don't need to leave my apartment- to escape away. I'm fine here.
I do not need to buy anything because nothing I can buy can fix the situation.

Boy, I got my eye on you...

Two for the price of one today! Don't you feel special??

Yesterday (Sunday)
Food:
James' family was still at his house so I ate about a quarter of an extremely large cinnamon roll and the ever present cup of coffee for breakfast.
I bought some more of the cute, sweet baby bell peppers and snacked on them both yesterday and today and then around lunchtime I had the BEST chicken and zucchini:

I was really hungry but this just hit the spot. I love zucchini and could eat it with every meal.
After, I was really tired and I actually took a 4 hour nap yesterday afternoon which made life unbearable at 2 am when I wanted to sleep but couldn't. I woke up pretty groggy and then made myself a delicious dinner:

That is a beautiful grilled portabella mushroom that was fan-fricken-tastic. A little salty but I love the salt so I said bring it on! I also fixed together an iceberg salad with some poppyseed dressing, dried cranberries and pecans.
Before bedtime, I was a little peckish again so I whipped up some whey protein and granola nut clusters.

I love the Tera'swhey packaging!

Exercise:
Not so much. Apparently a 4 hour nap in the middle of the afternoon kind of gets in the way of this.

Today (Monday)
Normally I'd wait and just post about today tomorrow but I'm going to be out and about early tomorrow and I don't know when I'd get to it so...
Food:
No breakfast! Just coffee. I'm a terrible, terrible brekkie eater. I will admit though- my hunger is not as desperate as it used to be. I used to feel almost faint if I didn't eat but as I've slowly eaten less and less, it's like I've built up a hunger tolerance. I felt hungry at the PCC today to the point of my stomach growling but once I kind of weathered that I felt ok.
I kind of had 2 lunches today or I guess a brunch and a linner if you will. Brunch was a smoked salmon salad before the gym:

I took this pic in a hurry in the car and then promptly devoured this. I proceeded to the gyms (the s is intentional- it's like the internets) and then headed to Roseville to buy my cousins wedding present. I probably waited too long to eat then because I was definitely a little shaky.

Luckily, a carnitas street taco and a blackened mahi mahi taco helped to shore me up! I love Rubio's Fish Tacos (even though I think they call it Rubio's Fresh Grill now). They have always had some fresh options that are loaded with veggies and feel as good as they taste.
James grew these tomatoes in our garden (and I use our in the community property sense-not that I actually do anything involving the garden):

and I decided I was going to use them today so this was dinner:

I'm not exactly proud of the lack of color but the salad was good. The hamburger patty was seasoned with Bacon Salt and covered in Canadian Black Diamond Cheddar. It was really juicy and flavorful and I think that might be because I seared it 5 minutes on each side and then left it in the 170 degree oven while the rice was cooking. Speaking of rice... yeah that's Rice a Roni. With cheese from a packet and everything. Definitely not fresh. I wanted a starch and it was ok but not great. I'm grilling with Chuck tomorrow though so I should be able to eat plenty of veggies to make up for it!

Exercise:
3.2 miles on the treadmill in 55 minutes. It felt like sooooo long without my regular benchmarks to distract me.   My knees were definitely a bit sore this evening so I took an ibuprofen but I think I'll be doing something low impact tomorrow.

Off Topic:
Today I also bought the BEST. WATER. BOTTLE. EVER.

It's purple! And a Camelbak so it has the best spout ever. It has like a silicone spigot on it that you can chew on and it releases more H2O into your mouth. It's like a bottle for grown-ups which I shouldn't think is that cool but I do!
I also went to Delias.com and found a super cute coat that actually comes in 2XL. I can't decide whether I want the purple one:

Or the red one (technically called pomegranate):

They come in a wool blend ($39 on sale) or the wool blend lined with thinsulate ($49 on sale) for even more warmness! I think I want to buy the red one with the thinsulate lining and the purple one without so I have kind of 2 levels of warmness if I need it in SF. I have my eye on these and if they're still in stock when I get my August paycheck it is on like Donkey Kong! I can't believe a) they have my size and b) they are not actually that expensive. It's juniors clothing so I wouldn't be surprised if their 2XL was tight but I might as well try them and see.

My life is brilliant, my love is pure

Yesterday was a little screwed up food wise because of the memorial service but you have to adapt to the situation, I know.

Food:

There were tacos served at Dennis' service (he loved tacos and beer) from Dos Coyotes and we took the rest of the food back to James' parents house so yesterday I pretty much munched on Dos Coyotes tacos and chips with green salsa all day long. 

After our walk, we had some ice cream and then I munched on some BBQ Potato Flyers when I got home at like 11 pm. I probably could have made a better choice then but the day was long and tiring. No excuses, I'll make a better decision next time.

Exercise:

I was actually really successful here when I didn't think I would be. James' cousin Keisha wanted to go for a walk and we'd planned to do the 5K loop around the arboretum and then go to Borders but she was napping when we'd planned to go so I figured we wouldn't actually go on the walk, we'd just go to Borders. When she woke up though, she still wanted to go so we did the whole 5K and it was actually harder than walking the route I've mapped out near my house. It was a nice walk but talking the whole time reminded me how out of shape I am as I huffed and puffed the whole way.   

I won't be afraid, just as long as you stand, stand by me

We said goodbye to James' Uncle Dennis yesterday and I agree with James that it was probably the happiest wake I've ever been to. He had Glioblastoma multiforme IV and his condition had degenerated within the last 8 months to the point where his brain was simply shutting down and firing neurons off all over the place so it was in some ways a blessing in that he wasn't suffering anymore.

He was an active, strong man who loved James' Aunt Donna so much. They found each other after previous marriages and their wedding was one of the first things I went to with James as a couple. Their love for each other was always evident and I hope that if I'm ever in that situation with James I have as much courage as Aunt Donna did to take care of him until the end. They only had about 8 years with each other and that really reminded me to enjoy every minute with James. Love him every day and relish the time we have together because you never know when it could be cut short. Even if I had the next 60 years with James, it wouldn't be enough so it's heartbreaking that Aunt Donna had such a short time with Dennis. I know there's the flip side of that: Be grateful for the time you did have but I would be so angry. Aunt Donna was beautiful and gracious yesterday, caring for other people who were grieving over Dennis. She's an amazing woman.

Even though he was sick at our wedding, he still danced with Aunt Donna and held her.

I am so happy that we got to share that with him.

I love how James' family bands together when things get rough. I love that all his aunts came to Sacramento and circled around Aunt Donna and took care of her. I'm sure that might be frustrating or stifling occasionally but it's something so outside my realm of experience that it really embodies familial love to me. I want my children to have that and I think they might get the chance because James is like that with his siblings.

I gotta be strong, just keep pushing on

Told you I'd catch up eventually!

Food:
This morning was a big US vs. Slovakia soccer game and tons of people came over for breakfast! Katie made really good sourdough waffles and I had about a quarter of one along with an apricot and some coffee. Slim and I bought some Tera'swhey today so expect that to feature prominently in breakfast for a while after tomorrow.
Lunch was a leafy, green salad with honey-roasted almonds, cranberries, goat cheese and balsamic vinegarette:

Very tasty but I didn't get lunch until like 3 pm so I was starving when I ate it. Slim and I went back to the LB for shorts for her and stopped off at Godiva. I managed to just buy two this time: an extra dark chocolate truffle and a mint chocolate chip truffle.

Surprisingly, the mint chocolate one was better than the extra dark one. It tasted exactly like mint chip ice cream.

Once I ended up home, it was time to cook the husband dinner so I made some meatballs (my first attempt! They weren't bad) and mixed it with some pasta sauce and Barilla Plus pasta.

The meatballs were made from lean ground beef and asiago cheese with garlic salt, bacon salt, pepper and dried basil. I kinda just threw everything I had in there.
I finished up the evening with some Haagen-Daz Five coffee ice cream- totally the best ice cream.

Exercise:

None today. I was going to run with James but he wanted to go tomorrow instead and I let him convince me tomorrow was soon enough.

I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreamin'

I am so so tempted to get on the scale but I know that's just a number. It doesn't really matter what it says. So I'll see what it says in December but not before. It will only be disheartening if it's not what I want to see and I'll get complacent if it says what I want it to. 6 months from now we'll see...

It's not that I can't live without you, it's just that I don't even want to try

Totally unrelated side note: THE BACKSTREET BOYS ARE COMING TO SAN FRANCISCO! On June 27th and 28th! I want to go and scream like a 16 year old girl. If I can make this work I am totally going.

Ok...
Food:
The second Tera'swhey shake (in dark chocolate), an apricot and some more nut clusters made breakfast.

The Tera'swhey shake was awful! Vanilla was pretty good but the chocolate was just bad. I don't know if it was because I made it with vanilla almond milk or what but Slim made hers with soy milk and she said it was awful too so I'm gonna say it won't get much better if I make it with regular milk. I'd be willing to try it again though.
Lunch was a total victory for me. Slim and I went to the Corti Bros. market in Sacramento and I made an awesome choice:

A few ounces of delicious prosciutto, an ounce of smoked applewood cheddar, a fresh apple and an Honest Tea. Perfect! and it totally embodies what this blog is about- good choices with fresh, high-quality food.
I desperately needed a new bra so I went and shopped the LB annual sale (and found one that was hot pink). 42D, I'm now a 42D. Hopefully not for long and the 42's are comfortable. I probably could have worn a 40 but the 40D cup size was a little small.
After, I went to See's candy and had 4 chocolates (3 I bought plus the sample):

I'm not sure if this was emotional eating or not. I was unhappy about the way things fit at LB but I don't think I ate them because of that- I was going to get 2 anyway when I went into the mall. It would have been weird to buy just one though. I guess I could have bought more and thrown the other ones away but that seems like a waste.
Dinner was my second victory of the day:

Look at the freshness on that plate! Chuck and I grilled at his house. Granted there's a lot of food on that plate but it's mostly vegetables. Chuck only has large plates which I think made it easier to load a lot on the plate. We had cajun salmon, zucchini, fresh corn, and a baby spinach salad with pecans, cranberries, blue cheese and raspberry vinegarette. That's fresh! (and it was delicious.)
I also had a diet pepsi which I think gave me a wicked headache. No more diet soda for me. I had a second Honest Tea I probably should have just drunk that would have made me feel much better.
Dessert? Yogurt Stars! The special at Trader Joes. I left these at Chuck's house or they would be all gone by now.

Yogurt-covered vanilla cookies = tasty.
Chuck and I had a long discussion about weight loss and food choices and such. I know I'm probably boring to talk to right now because I'm so interested in this but I think everyone's experience is interesting and I'm curious about the similarities we experience.

Exercise:
None today, giving the knees a rest but I'm planning a 3.2 miler for tomorrow.